y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
