And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
