he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
