true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
