He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
