she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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