she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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