Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
