At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
