Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
