This dress was meant to end up on your floor
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
