I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
