He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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