I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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