also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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