come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it's great music for shaving your balls
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Found the puke drawer
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
