you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
