So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
