Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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