is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
