Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
