i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Found your dick twin last night
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
