Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
