it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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