I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
