Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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