So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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