Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
