so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
