Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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