Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
being pregnant is like rehab
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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