I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
