I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
