Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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