so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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