Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
