I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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