How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
