i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
