where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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