Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
