garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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