whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
