Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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