if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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