so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
