well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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