Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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