Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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