Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
