nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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