It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
