no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
