I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
