That's intense
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
